I Wish I Could Beat Myself Up Sometimes

Urghhh… sometimes I can’t help but feel like a failure!
This grad school application process has me going crazy and pulling my hair out- literally! On top of this, I’m currently dieting, so you know the lack of nutrition and comfort foods is weighing on me (if you can pardon that pun).
I’m worried about school, work, or the lack thereof, money, vanity, career…. and the list goes on.
Today, I received some feedback on an article I submitted last week. Let me first begin with, I rarely receive feedback on my articles. I ask for it when I submit articles to others, but I usually won’t hear about it until it is published and they are pleased, which surprises me, but doesn’t make me feel like crap. With that said, today I received somewhat surprising feedback. I needed to hear it, and in retrospect, I’m not really that surprised that my work might of been subpar. These past weeks have been crazy and with my employment out the window, my organization has too blown out.
I’m one of those worriers. I freak out with even the smallest amount of criticism. My perfectionism tends to kick in a little late. There are times where I cannot stand staring at the same article, essay, or research paper I’ve been working on for weeks, so I force myself to finish and hit ‘send.’  I cover my eyes, say “Please God, let this be brilliant, and let no one say otherwise.”
That is my flaw– after a while, I hate that thing I’m working on so much, I kill it. I do not realize then, that sometimes by doing so I am killing myself and my credibility.
I need to be more aware and realize that I’m not allowed to make stupid mistakes– I’m not a flipping intern anymore!
Although…. I’ve applied for a few internships, I’m a college graduate, I need to start acting like one and suck it up!
It’s a difficult reality, and I know I have my work cut out for me in the coming months.

I mean, come on, I want to go to Columbia. Seriously? and I need to “watch organization” in my articles! I have another thing coming if I’m still making these rookie mistakes. Ughh… I’m really disappointed in myself and in my writing right now…
I’m hoping this is just a bad day.

*******

A year ago… i made a mistake. Who would’ve known that trying to do well in school could put you in bad environments that would drag out a year later??? I wish i could just forget…