Counting down.

My..My how fast this year has passed.

denissethepiece — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 06:25:45 +0000

It sure has been a very long time since I laid fingers to keyboard on this here little blog.
It’s a strange place I’m in right now. Rather than be inspired, and excited for each new day, I find myself more and more disappointed.
I see others enjoying the fruits of their labor and celebrating the opportunities they’ve worked so hard for while I spend hours on end behind a computer speaking to angry customers and apologizing for the mistakes of others..
This isn’t what I went to school for.. All those essays, the tests, and studying—for this? Really?
It is a difficult place to be in. But I have no other choice but to keep on trucking while I keep my eye on the prize.
All those plans from a year ago seem like those of some naive little child with a skewed view of the world.
Now I’m a jaded, burned, and unhappy worker of the world.
I am grateful for what I have but cannot understand why I put myself under such stress to be “successful.” What a farce, a joke, a stupid thing to say–to be successful— what does that mean?

On this side of a year ago it definitely does seem like a bad time to be out of school. What will I do? where will i go next?
why am i here?

Time is passing by real quick and believe me I’m working on it.
Despite my joy that time is flying because I want nothing more than to forget the unpleasant moments of 2009, I keep getting further and further from being a recent grad.. But I need something to work with!
I don’t want to get caught up in something that has nothing to do with what I’ve wanted for myself.
Conformity seems to be the word of the century.. I’m expected, specifically by the older generations, to have a job and keep it forever no matter how unrelated it is to what I want and what i worked towards in college.

This is the pain of the one-year-old degree holder…

Something New and Music!

denissethepiece — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:57:19 +0000

After a few weeks of doing my own thing, doing a bit of writing, blogging and volunteering on the side, I realized how fast time has flown. I am relieved to announce that I am once again employed (whoo)! Although for a few days there were rumors that my previous position would once again be available due to a new grant the non-profit would be receiving, this was unfortunately not the case. Turns out that I had to be a single mom to meet the requirements for the new grant- go figure….. well whatever the case is, I’m still happy to help them out and work on projects regardless of the pay cut. I’m all for the empowerment of women and from experience- I’m all for starting to instill these values as early as possible.
Anyway… another reason why I felt the need to write a blog entry on my dusty blog (boo! I need to get on it, I know!) is because one of my favorite times of year will roll around come Monday. Yes ladies and gents: it’s South by Drive By (SXDX) week again! You know where bands trekking the interstate on their way down to Austin music fest, South by Southwest (SXSW), decide to grace us with their musical talent at local venues here in El Paso?? Yes that’s the one. I had a great time writing a few entries regarding this annual gift our prime real estate location affords us and I’m psyched to get on it again.
Though economic disparity has hit the entire country, no less El Paso, this humble little lady blogger is still a bit sad about not having the cash flow to head out to Austin to see SXSW for herself.
Having never been to SXSW myself, (believe me, i know…it’s depressing to even read back to the previous statement), I am definitely going to make the most of this coming week and head out to some great shows.
And when I speak of El Paso’s economic woes, I refer to the sudden, slightly-expected closures of some of the venues that hosted some of the bands. (See: Zeppelin’s Underground). But I’m sure this will not be a major setback, central location will just have to be adjusted I suppose.
But no matter what….. SXDX week here I come and I’m taking everyone with me!!! whooo

I Wish I Could Beat Myself Up Sometimes

denissethepiece — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 00:30:50 +0000

Urghhh… sometimes I can’t help but feel like a failure!
This grad school application process has me going crazy and pulling my hair out- literally! On top of this, I’m currently dieting, so you know the lack of nutrition and comfort foods is weighing on me (if you can pardon that pun).
I’m worried about school, work, or the lack thereof, money, vanity, career…. and the list goes on.
Today, I received some feedback on an article I submitted last week. Let me first begin with, I rarely receive feedback on my articles. I ask for it when I submit articles to others, but I usually won’t hear about it until it is published and they are pleased, which surprises me, but doesn’t make me feel like crap. With that said, today I received somewhat surprising feedback. I needed to hear it, and in retrospect, I’m not really that surprised that my work might of been subpar. These past weeks have been crazy and with my employment out the window, my organization has too blown out.
I’m one of those worriers. I freak out with even the smallest amount of criticism. My perfectionism tends to kick in a little late. There are times where I cannot stand staring at the same article, essay, or research paper I’ve been working on for weeks, so I force myself to finish and hit ‘send.’ I cover my eyes, say “Please God, let this be brilliant, and let no one say otherwise.”
That is my flaw– after a while, I hate that thing I’m working on so much, I kill it. I do not realize then, that sometimes by doing so I am killing myself and my credibility.
I need to be more aware and realize that I’m not allowed to make stupid mistakes– I’m not a flipping intern anymore!
Although…. I’ve applied for a few internships, I’m a college graduate, I need to start acting like one and suck it up!
It’s a difficult reality, and I know I have my work cut out for me in the coming months.

I mean, come on, I want to go to Columbia. Seriously? and I need to “watch organization” in my articles! I have another thing coming if I’m still making these rookie mistakes. Ughh… I’m really disappointed in myself and in my writing right now…
I’m hoping this is just a bad day.

*******

A year ago… i made a mistake. Who would’ve known that trying to do well in school could put you in bad environments that would drag out a year later??? I wish i could just forget…

I Remember This Place

denissethepiece — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 02:35:36 +0000

Here we are again….back at square one not even a year after I graduated from college. My contract ended with the non-profit I was working for, so I am on the prowl for another job.
Good news is I already sent one application to my first choice for grad school. I am confident in what I’ve accomplished, but I’m still crossing my fingers I get in.
As of now I will continue as a mentor for teen Latina reporters for Latinitas, Inc. I am still freelancing for Su Voz Latina Magazine. We’ll see if anything more permanent, occupation-wise, comes up.
I feel awful because my parents don’t really understand. My mom has worked at the same place for 20 years and my dad, recently retired, did pretty much the same.
Getting a job to them has meant something hardcore, only seen in older generations. To them it’s waiting in long lines, going to factories, submitting applications, and asking for friends to give them a heads up and to put in a good word when they applied.
How does this work out if none of your friends are in the business you’re seeking to get into?
Being the only one in my family to have graduated from college is not what it’s cracked up to. The honeymoon is over and the expectations are weighing on my mind and soul. a little on my heart.
My aim is to do important, life-changing, and thought-provoking work. I refuse to settle for any less than that. I’ve worked really hard and want to continue to work hard towards something meaningful that will make an impact.

And no… I don’t mean going back to work at the coffee shop…although-giving someone their morning coffee is important. haha. but no.

This year remains blank, but I hope to fill it soon with good things, which would include grad school! yeah!W

Like a Chicken Without Its Head..

denissethepiece — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:32:52 +0000

I just realized it’s been a month since I last posted a blog on here-not good. But it’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I’ve been crazy-busy running around all over the place. That, and I write a blog entry everyday on www.MyLatinitas.com.
So, let’s get to the grain, I am hating the retail job right now. After two weeks straight of working a million hours at the magazine and at the clothes store, they’ve now cut my hours at the store considerably. Yesterday, I worked for 45 minutes. 45 MINUTES! They had me do their dirty work, wiping down fixtures and then my “leader” (ha!) told me to clock out. This girl, man, she talks to me like I’m a kid, not realizing that I’m probably a good four years older and a few feet taller than her too. I was really angry that I’d woken early, driven all the way out there to be sent home 45 minutes after my arrival. Sure sales have been a little on the short-side, but 45 minutes? really? After I told her this, all this girl could say was “I know, I came out here all the way from the east side of town too,” as she shook her head with disapproval. This is crap because I was the one being forced to leave, not her. Arggghhh!
I had forgotten what it was like to be a powerless employee. We’ll see I’ll give it a few weeks to straighten up, Christmas is coming after all. The holiday I dread and despise is right around the corner.

Aside from this, I’ve been offered a free-lancing gig for a new women’s mag that’s launching this December. It’s also Latina-centric which I love. I’m waiting for my assignments so we’ll see how it goes. I’m excited to see my stuff going out to my peeps in print again.

I’ve also been working on a few PR projects for Latinitas. I created a newsletter last week, and produced a video for a contest the organization is having. I’m also working on outreach for the clubs I lead, because attendance, let’s say, has been less than satisfactory.

I’m planning on few things for next year. Looking into a few internships and still working on taking the vicious GRE. I can’t get myself to sit still and study for that darn thing. I need to focus!

Okay hasta!

With Good Intentions and Voila! Not One, But Two.

denissethepiece — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 22:51:56 +0000

Big news.
First and foremost, I was hired to work part-time for a new clothing store at the mall. Yeah sure, believe me I know, I’m going to be using my degree to count some punk’s items before they go into the fitting room. It’s not exactly what I envisioned would be happening at this point, but I refuse to continue to sit on my fanny with an empty fannypack. haha
I started today, and though it was only an orientation-style training, it went well.
But what I’m most excited about is my other job. YES! I did say “other!” Considering my endless job-hunting and frustration, I did a bit of soul-searching. I thought about what I really wanted to do with what I had and what I could do. I know I want to help people, keep them informed, be responsible and I know that I want to do work for the Hispanic/Latino community. My community.
I figure what’s the point of knowledge if you don’t want to share it. I want to learn and I want to help others learn around me too.
So, I contacted a few people regarding volunteering. I checked out Latinitas, a non-profit that empowers young women to express themselves through various media including video-production, photography, and of course writing and gets the girls published in their monthly e-magazine. I was particularly interested in working with them because not only is it yes, for the Hispanic/Latino community, but it also serves to mentor girls in something that I am passionate about. I wanted to upkeep my writing and I figured that if they’d let me do it, I would pay them to let me (with my time, of course).
I wrote an article for next month’s edition and went in for a meeting with the founder.
It was only supposed to be a meeting where we’d get acquainted and if they liked my article, I’d become an editorial intern where I’d help them with after-school programs and such for a few hours a week. They asked if I’d like to spend the rest of the day in the office working on website content, so I did. Not five minutes later did I get the most pleasant surprise I would have ever expected: I was offered a paid position!
Not only does it include me continuing to write but I am also responsible for blogging on their ’tween social-network, web moderating, creating/helping with multimedia projects, club leading and mentoring young girls out at a few of the local libraries, etc., etc.!
This is great! So far I’ve copy-edited student-submissions, blogged, and been working on a few articles. And next week I start the community outreach part of my job as well. I am so loving that I get to do what I love, help other people, and mentor! And I’m getting paid. I am so grateful for the opportunity.
And…I get to keep both jobs!
It’s all about persistence I suppose. In my last entry I was pretty down, because it all seemed to be going nowhere good or interesting. I am so glad things are starting to look up! It’s funny how sometimes when you want to do something good for someone else, you get the unexpected in return. I just wanted to help and I have, too, been helped. What a funny life!
I’m sure I’ll have more great things to add soon.

Hello? Hello, Job? Are you there? No not Job the religious figure, but j-o-b…

denissethepiece — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:22:04 +0000

I’m guessing it’s been about a good three weeks since my last post. Not much has changed…
Well, except for the list of places I’ve sent my resume to in the past three months. I’ve applied for any job that may remotely apply to my degree and any job that I was sure would take me on just as a part-timer so I could pay my bills on time. Nothing’s biting!
I’m slowly losing hope. What is one to do when they’re a college grad and they can’t even get a job at a call center that hires high school drop-outs and teenage mothers!?
This is getting to the point of embarrassment really.
Today, after sitting in an HR office for nearly three hours and watching as the most questionable characters were handed lab paperwork for the mandatory drug testing that (if deems the candidate clean) guarantees them a j0b, I was taken into a cubicle covered in some ‘interviewer’s’ personal affectations, pictures, kids’ preschool drawings, and bedecked with “i love mommy” stickers. I was dragged into this maternal hell-hole after taking a typing test, viewing the cheesy customer service video, and staring in awe as that basketball-short-wearing douchebag was handed his “you’re hired!” paperwork, only to be told that my work history shows “instability.”
Me? yes, me, the Bachelor’s Degree-holding, 3-time intern, with an immaculate, traceable work history. The same person with a good credit rating, with the backing of all my previous managers, supervisors, and current friends, am not qualified for your gay-ass customer service data entry job?

I am completely speechless and totally disillusioned with everything. Everything! These past few weeks have done nothing but drag me off my cloud of optimism, mellowed my post-grad high, and done nothing but let me down.
It occurred to me that perhaps I’ve been setting my standards too high, so I lowered them considerably. CONSIDERABLY! And yet I’m still waiting on call backs but instead being handed those HR-heavy e-mails that “regretfully inform” me of my lack of qualifications, which by the way, do not outline exactly what it is that I’ve done wrong.
What have I done wrong? Since when does taking the opportunity to go to another city to learn about journalism, to learn about video production become a scarlet letter on my chest?? Since when does that scream “disaster?” Do I really belong behind a check-out counter, or in the back flipping burgers while my diploma patiently waits for me to pick it up from the registrar’s office?
What should my next steps be? Where does one go once they’ve applied to any and every job that they possibly can, in any city that would seem remotely logical?
Oh and the networking! Have I networked my tush off! I’ve talked to and shook the hands of who knows how many people. I even had a coffee date with a complete stranger eager to help for no noticeable reason other than she “wants to.”
This job-hunting deal is getting to be extremely irritating. I see and feel no progress and I can honestly sit here and type that this is my biggest nightmare come true. This is what kept me up at night when I found out I was eligible for graduation way back in March. and this is what continues to keep me up now.
I’m exhausted and I can only keep adding to that list of potential employers. Out of a million ‘no’s someday there will be a yes.

Stuck in the Middle

denissethepiece — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:19:26 +0000

My internship’s over. It’s been over for a week now. I’m home. Surprisingly, I feel less of a failure than I thought I would if I returned. Life is funny like that I suppose, gives me bouts of optimism for things that matter.
Career-wise, my summer was great despite leaving with only a promise of a job offer. My internship went really well and I tried my hand at something I knew very little about. I gained experience in federal government and I know that it’s the place to be, where I want to be.

Leaving D.C. didn’t feel permanent a week ago, and still doesn’t right now. On my flight back to El Paso I remembered when I first arrived in D.C. last year. It was a strange city, I had never visited before, and I was alone. For two and a half months I would be in this strange place with strange people, alone.
I remember sitting there in the cab on my way to my ‘new’ apartment, feeling tiny. Afraid. I was in this strange place everyone warned me about. “Be careful” that was the first voicemail i heard as soon as i switched my phone on in the airport. I was literally dropped in the center of this huge city. The capital of the country I grew up in. A city i knew nothing about aside from the obvious. It was exciting.
Being a part of the media pool, although I didn’t go all out and cause a stir, is crazy fun in D.C. You’re literally in the center of it all, feeding voters who are not in Washington, the information they need. News happens at all hours of the day there and , though the media outlet where I interned may disagree,all of it is relevant. Small movements in Washington have the potential to reverberate all the way to the west coast and everywhere in between. I was in the middle of that.
Being an intern twice in Washington in two different fields challenged me in more ways than one.

The city’s tough on country bumpkins, you know! But Washington was a monster I conquered then and I own now. Haha not really, but I’m not afraid of picking up and leaving to where I’m supposed to be.
And so, I’ve returned. Job-hunting is such a hassle and so uninspiring. I feel bad for my parents: So proud to finally have a child with a college degree…still living at home, and jobless. They’re probably not proud about the later, but I’m working on it. It’d be one thing for me to stay in, eat their food and watch soaps all day…although all that studying and missing out on summer vacation does make that sound appealing…

In the meantime I’m focusing on three things: 1. getting a job 2. studying for the GRE 3. getting ready for the foreign service exam

The State Dept.’s exam is something I wanted to take since earlier in the year. Someone told me it was hard, but all that made me is want to take it even more and see for myself. The internship program I participated in this summer, set up a few events with the State Department. I had the opportunity to meet with a few of the officers who were really encouraging and interested because 98% of us were of Latino or Hispanic descent.
So right now I have to keep that level of optimism high, use my time wisely and realize that life works in funny ways. Nothing’s supposed to be easy, which has been hard for me to understand at times. We’ll see how long my ‘visit’ to El Paso lasts.

Six Days from Now…..?

denissethepiece — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:03:55 +0000

I’m on the brink of the last week of my internship. This is what will make or break the tempo of the coming year. Will I be working in a professional setting? A non-profit? A government agency? The private sector? D.C. or El Paso? Eight to five? Graveyard? Or the dreaded “paper or plastic?”
This past week has had it’s breakthroughs. I met some interesting people with interesting tips and ideas. I had a coffee date with a peruvian lady that works for an international agency. An loan officer at the VA inquired about my interests and goals for my career, and said he had a friend who could help me in my job search! She was really nice, really insightful and despite only having met me this one time, she was genuinely interested in what I want to do with my education. We spoke of our backgrounds (in spanish, of course!) and all the while, she dropped names of people she thought might be helpful or organizations that are looking for writers.
I expressed my desire to learn how to write grants, and she gave me the name of a foundation here in D.C. that offers seminars. Tomorrow I’ll be heading to one of those seminars and hopefully be a grant-writing machine!! whoo
I’m getting ready for whatever my fate may be after this week. I would love to stay here, but if I go back, you can bet I’ll be working towards another quick exit.
I can only wait although my new friend warned ”the government takes a long time.” But I don’t have a lot of that… and my patience is being tested.
This summer has gone by really fast, and I feel like I’ve accomplished a good amount, but there’s also some guilt on the side. I feel like I lost some focus there for a bit and got distracted, but that’s life!
There’s a potpourri of excitement, fear, nerves, and anxiety circling around me.
What comes next….?

viewer discretion advised

denissethepiece — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 16:51:31 +0000

These are the last two weeks of my time here in D.C. and the job hunt seems to be heading in a different position than I expected. There are no job offers yet, well….there were a few (one unpaid, and completely short-sighted). It’s a bad time and skimping on pay is not something I can afford or have worked this hard for. Hypothetically now’s the time I’m supposed to step up and uplift my parents, and buy them each a house or something like that. Well… I did say hypothetically speaking. Right now they can’t see me struggling to find a job, but if I were to go back to El Paso, I think they’d expect me to be uber-successful. They’ll probably be disappointed and express their discontent in the form of pity. This is a lot of pressure, but I am ready to do what it takes, whether it’s here or in El Paso.
Now that I’m on the job-searching subject, let me touch on the nature of job fairs: THEY’RE RIDICULOUS!
Last week I went to three job fairs. The first, a public service one, was unbelievably packed but had many booths–promising. I went to the first agency on my list, which I’m quite familiar with, and was thoroughly disappointed when I approached the booth and within 30 seconds found out they were hiring for only one position…in Long beach! Uhhhh….aren’t we in D.C. ??? And you’re paying three people to work the crowd for ONE position that’s not even here!!?? Are you kidding me?
The next day, I waited in line for two hours….TWO HOURS!…to go into a career fair hosted by the Washington Post. Now this one was classic, I didn’t think anything would top the previous day’s public service fair where jobseekers could walk in and out as they pleased. Instead, at this fair, everyone would proceed in a line to the whopping FOUR BOOTHS! Four booths, one of which was a military recruiter and the rest were also not worth the time it took me to get ready, not to mention the time I took from my internship to wait in line.
The last career fair was one specifically for interns from my program…this one I was more psyched about, because at least I knew ahead of time who would be setting up booths there and was assured that the agencies present at this fair were aware of the fact that we were all interns and either students or graduates. For me, unfortunately, they should have saved me the trouble and placed a big fluorescent pink sign that said “NO LIBERAL ARTS DEGREES.”
All-around it was bad news. I’ve always hated job fairs, and now even more so. No one wants a reporter…booooo.
I’m working with the public affairs office where I intern for an opportunity. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and ears open.
Also this past week, I took advantage of working a few blocks from George Washington University and went on a grad school tour. It ended up being more of a campus tour and less of a grad school tour, so I’m trying to squeeze in a visit to the public affairs school advisor.
There are a lot of things I need to get done and a lot of soul-searching I need to do. Although I have a general idea of what I want to do and be now, “to be great and do something that will change me and the world around me” is too broad and vague.
I want to see the world and write about it. And now I’m getting on-camera experience which has been unbelievably fun. I’m getting closer to the Globe Trekker dream I’ve had ever since I first saw the show on PBS.
I’m looking into Foreign Service opportunities as well as domestic ones, and although I would love to be a reporter, I’m exploring options in other areas where my media experience is relevant.
The theme of this internship has been about my career and education, while last year’s was about learning the nature of Washington’s press, the election, and that complicated, puzzling, and messy place lovingly referred to as “The Hill.”
There’s a lot of uncertainty but I’m resilient and despite the risk of sounding cliché (again), one door closing will open another.
Next week I’ll be working on another script and one of the pieces I wrote for the Public Affairs office’s daily online newsletter. And the newscast I co hosted for VA News This Week was well-received and aired all last week on the VA and Pentagon Channel. The link, unfortunately continued to have issues so not very many people were able to get access online.
More to come…..

And on a side note, I saw Kalpenn Modi near the Whitehouse. Known for playing Kumar on the Harold and Kumar Hollywood movies, I am more familiar with him from playing “Gogol” in Mira Nair’s The Namesake. He is really, really ridiculously good-looking and well-dressed in person.
And this past Thursday I saw the Whitehouse guards blocking off the crowds of tourists for security purposes. You know have to make sure the prez is safe while he has a beer with the victim and victimizer of racial profiling..
Oh and let me say…Obama had a Bud Light?? What the eff….really? Bud Light tops my list of grody beers that I only order when I’m trying to be polite if someone’s buying or when I only have a few bucks to spend at a bar. But I suppose he was trying to be neutral, and if he would’ve chosen something extravagant, people would accuse him of not being considerate the current economic state and recession, and if he would’ve chosen something foreign (although Budweiser is now Belgian-owned), he would of been “unpatriotic.” Currently his choice has been called ”American,” “classic,” “unpretentious” or in my eyes “safe and cheap.” Everyone’s entitled to their opinion.
And yesterday evening I went to an intern summit in which Hilary Clinton was the keynote speaker. I was thoroughly disappointed that she only spoke for two minutes, because when she went to El Paso, I didn’t want to see her and she spoke for about 20 minutes. But then again, she was schmoozing for votes back then.
Alright, back to life, and note-taking… New entry when I can break away.